Quarantine Check In

I’m sitting at my desk in my NYC studio apartment. My husband is conducting a Zoom meeting in the background. My morning has been a mix of struggling to work on projects, sending headlines and TikTocks to friends, and sitting in a heightened state of anxiety. This is what my new normal looks like.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve struggled to know what to share. I’ve felt uninspired, unmotivated, and at times straight-up terrified. The virus and panic it induced seemed to come from nowhere but, almost overnight, flipped my world upside down.

I’m not sure how this post will go. I’m not even sure that I’ll share it. But I miss blogging and want to release my thoughts into this void.

So, How Did We Get Here?

I feel like I’ve been living in this new world for an eternity, but if I back up, I start to remember when this first felt real to me.

February

At the end of February (the 25th to be exact), I met up with a freelance friend for our weekly coworking session. We both write for The Only Social and were discussing my next piece for the site- an article about COVID-19 and the concerns for travelers. At that point, only China was included on the CDC’s Level 3 Do Not Travel list. We decided my follow-up article would cover what it was like for me to travel to France amid this outbreak (at that point, I was planning to spend the last week of March in Paris + Nice with a group of friends).

March 1

Despite the conversation about my next TOS piece and NYC reporting its first confirmed Covid-19 case on March 1, things still felt pretty normal for another few days. In fact, I took a “day trip” on March 1 to explore Greenpoint, Brooklyn. I sat at a bar and sipped on a mezcal cocktail and forgot all about the virus.

The next few days still felt alright. Sure, the news was swirling, but it just didn’t feel real yet.

March 4

On March 4, I had an emergency GoogleHangout meeting with one of the startup travel agencies I work for. Having a meeting wasn’t unusual. This team always worked remote and we had biweekly meetings just to check-in. But, this meeting was scheduled last minute and not at the typical time. Plus, the topic of the meeting was unusual. We were told that a few employees had been laid off due to the lost earnings related to a decrease in travel. My supervisor said “coronavirus f*cking sucks” and that’s when I realized my work would truly be impacted in all of this.

Austin and I had planned to go see Onward that night, so I met up with him at the theater for an almost sold-out show. (Spoiler- that was the last movie I saw in theaters. That might not seem odd but being an AMC A-List member I was going to movies at least once, if not twice, a week).

March 5

For the first time, it felt like my France trip might not happen. A friend I was planning to travel with works at a university. Her chancellor emailed all faculty and staff strongly discouraging non-essential international travel. We agreed to discuss more over the weekend but we were all in it together and wouldn’t do anything to put her job at risk.

In the afternoon, I caught up with a different friend via Skype. We try to do these chats at least once a month and it was so nice to feel some relief after our conversation. She works in a hospital and we both agreed- COVID-19 concerns were being blown out of proportion. My mindset- closing borders would cause xenophobia not the slowing of the spread. Plus, at my age and demographic, I didn’t need to worry about getting too sick. And anyway, if I was forced to self-quarantine for 14 days after traveling, I already work from home so this wouldn’t be a big change. I know- writing this down now really makes me cringe.

March 6

Austin officially worked from home for the first time due to COVID-19 on March 6. This was a company-wide trial run just to make sure everything ran smoothly if the company was forced to become remote. The company is based in Seattle and, at this point, that office had switched to all WFM. But to be totally honest- I felt like they were going overboard and things wouldn’t get that bad in NYC.

That night, we had a group FaceTime call with our friends and we all decided it was best to modify our France trip. Things were getting pretty bad in Italy and with the email from the chancellor, it all just felt too uncertain to hop on a plane headed for Europe. But things felt fine in the US and we still wanted to take a trip. So we pivoted and booked flights for Hawaii!

March 7

I wanted to clear my head a bit and I was itching for an adventure, so Austin and I rented a car and took a day trip to the FDR Presidential Library and Museum in Hyde Park. I didn’t think about COVID-19. We stopped for Starbucks, had delicious Mexican food, and spent hours at the museum.

March 10

This was the first truly bad COVD-19 day that I remember. Maybe I’m selfish or naive, but until March 10, I didn’t think I would be significantly impacted by all of this. Yes, my France trip wasn’t happening- but I was now going to Hawaii!

But at the end of the day, I got an email canceling my March 15 half marathon. I was floored. Yes, I’d seen this already happen for the Tokyo Marathon and Paris Half Marathon. But here? My half? No way.

Today I also officially joined the Notify NYC COVID Info text chain. The first text I received read “Slow the spread of COVD-19: Wash hands, cover nose/mouth if sneezing/coughing, avoid shaking hands, monitor health for cold/flu symptoms.

March 11

After the half marathon cancellation, I sunk into a funk. Then today, the WHO officially declared COVD-19 a pandemic. Tom Hanks announced he tested positive. Wow, ok. Things are getting real.

It wasn’t a huge surprise, but Austin also officially became a remote worker today (at least for the next 3 weeks). So, we scrambled to make our studio apartment into a 2-person workspace. We spent about half the day working from Starbucks, so it really wasn’t too bad. Austin also made a huge effort to express that the desk in my apartment was still my workspace and he didn’t want to disrupt my day or routine.

March 12

As I look back on this, March 12 was the day everything shifted. Yes, things had already taken a turn. But in my head, this is the day things got real.

I couldn’t focus or stay motivated. I cried and endured a panic attack. Texts rolled in every few seconds.

In the morning, I first heard the news about Trump’s 30-day ban on travel from Europe. Ok, good thing I canceled my France trip. This new was confusing as it later seemed this didn’t apply to American citizens. But still- travel was being strongly discouraged/coming to an abrupt halt.

Sports leagues were canceled, Broadway closed its doors, and Disney announced that its parks would be closed for at least a few weeks.

It felt like a bomb had been dropped and the world as I knew it was crumbling all around me.

March 14

Even though the official race couldn’t happen, Austin and I still ran 13.1 miles. We mapped out a route and ran from Central Park, down to Battery Park and back up along Broadway. The streets were not as empty as you might expect. After, we decided to celebrate our accomplishments at brunch.

Ok, New Yorkers in general brunches later than I like to. But still- Austin and I were the ONLY PEOPLE at the restaurant. It was bizarre to say the least.

Later that day, we decided to put the Hawaii trip on hold. It just didn’t seem feasible or right to travel. #FlattenTheCurve was starting to trend and it was becoming more apparent that traveling, even domestically, wasn’t right at the moment.

March 15

Nothing was normal but I was reaching for some stability. Every weekend, Austin and I run to our favorite cafe (Devocion) and enjoy a croissant and coffee. We decided to keep this routine and, after we were given to-go containers, decided to enjoy our breakfast outside. We rode the subway home and that marks the last time I’ve taken the train.

March 17

Starting today all NYC restaurants transitioned to take out and delivery only. I cried. I worried what this meant for the hospitality industry. Selfishly, I was afraid my favorite eateries wouldn’t survive this.

But, most of the cafes in my neighborhood remained open. Every day this week I took a short walk to pick up an iced latte from a different local coffee shop.

March 21

I want to make weekends still feel like weekends. So, Austin and I ran to Devocion. Of course, it was takeout only and, when we arrived, their croissants weren’t ready. Ah! We decided to run a quick errand to the nearby Whole Foods and come back. We waited in the mandatory social distancing line outside for a while before being able to run in and pick up peanut butter and yeast (I wanted to make focaccia bread later!). After, we walked back to Devocion, ordered, and enjoy the last Devocion experience I’ll have for the foreseeable future. (The closed the next week).

March 22

Starting today at 8:00 pm, NYC officially went on PAUSE. This means that all essential businesses are closed, non-essential gatherings of any sized are canceled, and social distancing is mandatory in public.

I normally don’t suffer from claustrophobia, but it set in today. I’m now stuck in my studio apartment all day every day with my husband and our cat. Don’t get me wrong, I love them both, but this is going to be trying.

March 27

I’d seen similar videos from Spain and Italy already, but today was the first day I heard people in my neighborhood clap for healthcare and essential workers. So far, it’s continued everyday at 7:00pm and I look forward to it everyday.

How I’m Doing (So Far)

To be completely honest, I’m doing ok. I’m treading water and my head is above water. Every now and then it starts to rain while I’m still treading but other days, the rain lets up and it’s sunny for a while. But through all of it, I’m just able to keep my head high enough to breathe.

My already general level of anxiety is at an all time high. I have trouble focusing. I’ve lost a ton of work.

But I know people have it worse than me. And then I feel bad for feeling bad at all. It’s a rough cycle.

I’m not looking for pity or sympathy. I just want to share how I’m feeling in case anyone else out there feels the same.

I have hope that things will return to normal one day. And I’ll get to hug my family + friends, sit at a cafe again, run a marathon, TRAVEL and just live my life.

One of the best things to come out of this so far is how connected I feel to everyone. I feel connected to my parents and brother more than ever. We are spread across three cities but FaceTime multiple times a week. I’ve had countless FaceTime parties with friends too. And I already felt pretty connected to the world before- but this is a whole new level of connection.

I will get through this. I might cry every day and that’s ok. But I know I won’t take anything for granted again after. Not my health, not the way the breeze feels during a picnic in the park, and definitely not the freedom to hop on a plane.

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Sending you a ton of love from my studio apartment here in NYC. Stay strong & well. We are all in this together.

And really, how are you doing? I’m here to talk if you need or want.

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